I’m not sure what its like where you live, but looking for a new pad in New York City requires patience, a sense of adventure, and a keen understanding of the generous use of adjectives by real estate types. Terms like “park adjacent” really mean, somewhere within walking distance to Central Park…..which is really most of Manhattan. Or take “park views” for example, one you’ll see a lot and can mean anything from a stunning direct view to “well, just go in the bathroom, lean around the vanity and you should be able to see some trees”. PARK VIEWS! Don’t even get me started on bedrooms. It can be a 5×8 room, but if it has a little closet, hey, SECOND BEDROOM. Now extrapolate that to the internet listing… “Spacious 2 br, 1ba, park adjacent with beautiful park views” – Translation – 650 square foot apartment somewhere in Manhattan, with a suspect view of the park, 1 actual bedroom and a walk-in closet with a closet inside. I think its fair to say, real estate agents descriptions are “reality adjacent”.
Then of course theres the building that contains said apartment. Is it a doorman building? Is it the dreaded walk-up? Part time doorman? Locked entry with intercom and buzzer? Pre-war? Post-war? New construction? Are there restaurants downstairs (very important unless you want to smell pizza 24 hours a day)? Some of these are of course matters of taste, like the style of a house for example, I could never live in a split level ranch, and I’d have an equally difficult time living in a 60s era post war building. Some of these are a matter of safety. Trust me when I tell you, the first time you get home late at night a little tipsy, fumbling with your key in the dimly lit entry way of your new “amazing find” apartment, every footstep behind you will make you wish you’d been ok with that weird park view from the bathroom in the doorman building. See doormen aren’t just doormen. They’re your friends, they greet you every day when you leave and when you get home. They meet your family, they know your friends, and yes, they silently judge you when you don’t answer when your annoying friends come by. But you also get to know them like extended family. And after a few years, they are. They’re on the shopping list during the holidays, you make an extra plate for them at Thanksgiving. Give me a nice pre-war doorman building, I’ll overlook the 3 avenue and 5 block walk the ad described as “park adjacent”.
Ok, lets say you’ve found what seems like a great apartment in a beautiful building in a great neighborhood. Is it a co-op, or a condo? You see, this is where things can get really weird. Condo? You’re probably ok, although in many cases theres a board of residents who will give you the once over, making sure you aren’t some ne’er–do–well who has a reasonable shot at paying your common charges and your mortgage and probably aren’t going to dress up like a clown and rob the people on your floor. Now… if its a co-op, strap yourself in, it could be a long ride. Get ready to have the equivalent of a financial rectal exam by people who may end up being your neighbors and as you may find out later, probably aren’t the best judges of anything, let alone other peoples affairs. 2, maybe 3 years of tax returns, chat with your last co-op board, maybe a call to HR to get a feel for your prospects at work. These people will even interview your dog. Co-op boards are the residential equivalent of the political world. The people that want to be politicians probably shouldn’t be politicians. The same holds true for people on co-op boards.
People say New York is like a different country and I really believe that. On the island of Manhattan there’s a different set of rules. A way of life that just doesn’t exist in other places in the US. Each block, each building, each neighborhood, so close, but can be in real terms, worlds apart. Finding a new home is an adventure in this mad and wonderful city, each building, each neighborhood not just a change of address but a change in the way you live your life. Once your journey is complete and you’ve found your dream home, then comes adjusting to your new neighborhood. You see, for all the things you hear about New York, its really just a bunch of communities crammed onto an island and while it can be maddening, its also a wonderful place full of little worlds that become a part of you, just as you become a part of them. From the weirdos on the co-op board you see in the elevator every day, to the doormen who become part of your extended family and even the people at the deli in your new neighborhood that get to know the way you like your egg white frittata. Its a strange and wonderful place, one I wouldn’t give up for anything in the world…..